Who am I?

Well, I guess best way to tell you all that is: I’m me.

Where do I really begin? I’m really just another normal guy, no different than any other with a life no different then many. I come from a small village in County Cork. My young life is somewhere I don’t like to go back to but some day I’m sure I will. My mother was my life, my soul and my best friend. She passed when I was 17 to the dreaded big C. That’s the day my life changed for ever.

As a child I remember seeing spirit, but to be honest did not think I was any different. But when my mother passed it started again. I would see spirit and hear voices on a regular basis. When I began to speak openly to friends and family they would say things like, “You’re losing it”, “You’re mad”, “You need help”. So I began to think I was mad.

The loss of my mother was all too much for me. Sadly I turned to drink and then drugs. It was just cannibas at first, and then ecstasy. I spent most of my time out of it not being able to live without the high. I became suicidal without it. This went on for about a year or so until the night I saw my mother.

I remember it just like yesterday.

I was after taking a load of ecstasy and felt ill. At first I thought I was just out of it. but soon came to realise it was my mother – it was too real. She stood in front of me and said 3 words: “Shame on you” and then disappeared.

I panicked to the degree that I ended up being rushed to hospital where I was treated. When the high wore off, I was asked by doctors the usual questions and then, of course, I told them I had seen my mother. They soon thought I had a mental issue and put me into a psychiatric unit. Not knowing any better, every time they asked me what I was seeing, I answered with the same answer: “I saw my mother” and then went on to tell them about when I was a child. This lasted about a week.

My brother came to visit and said, “You’re going to have to tell them you’re sorry. It was all from the drugs, or they would never let me out.” And so I did. A few days later I was released. I never looked at drugs after that and continued to remember my mother’s face and those words. I soon started working. Went back to my childhood sweetheart. Started to live a normal life again. Saw spirit every day, but never confided in anyone except my partner, who genuinely thought I was barking mad but stood by me.

For many years later I would see and talk to spirit and managed to even give messages to others without them even realising where or how I knew these things. I would say things like, “Why don’t you try something?” or “Can’t you go there or do that?” This became part of me. I went on to have 4 children, lots of different jobs and moved homes a few times – all the normal things in life. Went through lots of bad times and lots of good times but always knew that spirit would help me through. I would read book after book to try understand more about what it was or who I was. I would do card readings and try to make out what spirit were trying to say to me. Sometimes I would hear and see them other times I would just feel their presence. Or just know they were there. I would often ask them for help in my own life and often felt like giving up when times were tough.

My last job involved calling to people’s homes. I remember one night being in a home where I sat at a kitchen table with a husband and wife. We had been chatting when suddenly a little old lady with blue hair came to join us. I tried to ignore it, but I could hear her as plain as day. Repeating over and over again, “Tell them I’m here and I’m so happy with the decision they made”. I kept quiet and continued with what I was doing in the hope she would soon disappear. But no, she didn’t, she was going nowhere. So I just apologised in advance to the couple and said I didn’t feel well and would have to leave. As I got to the door, I could feel the sadness both in me and with the lady. What was I doing? How could I not tell them? Then I just came out and said it.

I began by saying you will probably think I’m mental, but I can’t go without telling you. And I no sooner had it said and the tears started. Oh dear God, what was I after doing? The couple couldn’t even talk. Soon we were back in the kitchen chatting again. It’s all they ever wondered, would she be happy with their decision and they got their answer. From that night on, I never looked back.

My family were not happy about it at first, but I knew it was part of me and I had to do it. I started to use my middle names so my then young children would not be subject to bullying, etc. We slowly spoke openly to them and others but never forced it upon them. From time to time they would ask for help or would question me about them. Simple things like, can I see what there doing or thinking, all the usual stuff. Once I told them I would never do that, or bring my work home, they were fine with it.

Many people think I know their deepest thoughts or that I’m a mind reader. Well, I’m not. I wish I was, but I’m not. I simply sit and hope on a regular basis that spirit come forward and show me things or tell me things. That’s it. That’s all I can do. Nothing more. I’m merely a conduit for spirit world. Some will ask why do you do it and my answer is simple, “Why not?” It’s my journey. I could have all those years ago come out of hospital and went back to a life of drugs, but I didn’t. We all come to crossroads in our life. I guess I took the journey I was brought here to do.

At the end of the day, we are all spiritual beings living a human experience.

All just walking each other home.